Live blog: my last RIT hockey game as a student

30 minutes before game: Game starts in a half hour. Reports of low beer at arena. Murmurs of unrest in the crowd.
Start of period 1: The crowd spontaneously breaks into "O Canada" with unusual vigour, as if praying to Molson for a delivery.
Period 1, 7:00 in: It's confirmed: no beer. Fistfights break out in the stands over the remaining cups.
Period 1, 9:00 in: RIT power play! And is that smoke coming from the section behind the penalty box?
End of period 1: An entire section of seats now feeds the bonfire as full-fledged rioting breaks out. Start first intermission.
Start of period 2: The riot has grown, involving the entire opposite side of the arena. They burn Torf in effigee. The second period begins.
Period 2, 10:00 in: The whole crowd is in chaos. Some fans run for the exit, facing certain death from hockey deprivation. No score halfway through.
Period 2, 14:00 in: Tribes of fans have formed and viciously defend their territory, lined with the skulls of those who dare trespass. AF goal, 1–0.
End of period 2: A tentative alliance forms between the rowing team and the band, brokered by a common member of both. End period 2, still AF 1–0.
Midway through intermission 2: All-out war erupts between the band and Falcons fans. Clarinets stick out of bloody corpses amid threats of an air strike.
Start of period 3: Update: Air Force refuses to bomb event sponsored by Canadians for fear of international incident. Start of third period.
Period 3, 10:00 in: Fans dwindle in number as many resort to cannibalism. Only the clock can save us now. Halfway through period 3, score unchanged.
Period 3, 16:00 in: The fires have burnt out; now we huddle together for warmth. A linesman takes a puck to the face and bleeds profusely. Still 1–0.
Period 3, 17:00 in: Several among us die while waiting for the world's longest delayed penalty against RIT.
End of period 3: FUCK.

This was culled from my Twitters. Do you want the significantly more boring official version? Perhaps just go home?